The Mask
by Miranda le Ginger
Summary: Regina wishes Emma would see pass her facade...


Author's note: Well, I never thought I was capable of writing a sad little Swanqueen fic, but apparently my muse knows something I don't. Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do **not**, under any circumstance, own OUaT, or Swanqueen. I do, however, own the poem that is bold/italicized. It is called "Mask." I wrote it for my local college essay competition, but ended up entering a different poem that I won an award for. However, this poem is dear to my heart. I thought it would convey Regina , on to the story!

_**I wear a veil**_

_**To cover my shame.**_

_**Hide the lies,**_

_**Bury my name**_

She'll never notice me…I have been standing here, in front of her, this entire time. I try to make her notice, make her see…but no...the evil queen is all I will ever be. I want her to see me, see through the mask I have built. This…this is not me. This Regina…no, _Madame Mayor_, is just a mask; a veil. I have done evil, unspeakable things…things that would have made the old me, the innocent me, cringe. If I had known then how twisted I would become….maybe things would have been different. Wishful thinking…

I have felt love, before. I felt the warmth, the joy it can bring. Happiness was not a rarity, back then. With him, with Daniel….I felt whole; complete. I had loved him, promised him to love him always, without compare. The bind we forged was eternal. I thought it was unbreakable. After all, True Love is the greatest magic of all, right? _Wrong_. If True Love was so powerful, why then did it break so easily? Why did it shatter with my love's heart, as my mother, my dear, loving mother, crushed it as easily as a twig? For that is what she treated my love. _Foolish girl_, she said. _Love is weakness_. _Power; power is the thing to want. With it, you can control men and their fancies._

_**A shroud in darkness,**_

_** The eye can see**_

_**Not a glimmer underneath,**_

_** To see the real me.**_

Everyone thinks I am cold; a frigid, unloving bitch. And…part of them are right. I am cold. The warmth I felt before extinguished when Daniel died and I was whisked away; a young girl no older than eighteen, made to be a Queen at the side of a man old enough to be her father. Being forced to practice the act of procreation with her sham of a husband, in marriage as fake as the love I supposedly felt for him. I hated him. Oh, how I loathed him. And Snow…I could have killed her, so, so easily. To this day I hate her like no one else; I can never truly forgive her for what she has done. Some things you just can't let go…

_**Mistakes have been made,**_

_**Pain has come quick.**_

_**Now I am a broken shell,**_

_**Shattered; sick.**_

Love had abandoned me…and I lost hope of ever finding it again. Until I met you…Emma. You waltzed into my life, driving a horrid yellow beetle and a penchant for eating bear claws. Truthfully, I admired you when I first laid eyes on you. So tall, so beautiful…you looked like an angel with your long golden curls. And when you saved my son…our son…you wormed your way into my heart that day. And then I found out you were Henry's birth mother. I forgot my admiration and headed straight for blind fury and distrust. You met me head-on; our clashes were quite…epic.

We battled over everything, it seemed. And yet, when I was at my lowest and nobody believed in me, you did. You saved me when no one else would have. I stole your relationship with your parents, your childhood. It was I who prevented you from being raised in the Enchanted Forest, being a princess. And yet you never, not once, held it against me. When I told you to leave, leave me with my sorrow, you told me n_o_ and stayed by my side. I was horrible to you, every bit the evil witch I was known as. But you had faith in me….

That's when I fell in love. It did not come slowly, or easily; it came on swift wings and struck me full force. I was left gasping and wordless in the realization that I had, against all odds, fallen for you. The Saviour and the Evil Queen. Even the names look wrong together…But still, I sought you, trying through my eyes, my actions, my true feelings. I had hoped you would see, and be brave when I could not. But, you are quite the oblivious one. Never, not once, did you question why I would gently brush your hand with mine, why my hand lingered on your back for a couple of seconds before pulling away. I would stare longing into your eyes, but you never saw…

_**So I will wear this mask,**_

_**My banner of guilt.**_

_**Until someone comes,**_

_**And breaks the walls I have built.**_

And then…Neal came. After leaving you to rot in that cell, abandoning you with my precious Henry, he dared show up in Storybrooke? I remember giving him a piece of my mind, for both my son…and you. But instead of realizing my intentions, that _I_ was trying to be the knight for once, you were blind. You started hanging around Neal again, even after he had broke your heart…not even realizing that mine was shattering as well.

I feel…alone. I don't see you often, anymore. You are always off playing the happy couple with Neal. I asked Ruby, and she told me that you two were not dating. But, I can see what she can't. I can see the look in your eyes; the same look I have given you. You felt for him, still. He was your prince; I am just a queen. The rare occasions I saw you, I desperately tried to make my feelings known. I wanted you to know; needed you to see the real me. The Regina Mills I should have been; could have been. The Regina I could still become. But, I could not say the words. I could not form them on my tongue, but I compensated with my eyes. They say the eyes are the window to the soul; mine was a front door left open in a storm. I tried so very hard…but, as was everything in my life, I fell short.

Why can't you see me? The belief is there; why won't you look? I thought you were different, and that my happy ending would finally come true. But now…I am not so sure. I…I miss you…your smile, your eyes, how they glisten….I just miss you. But, you don't miss me….and yet, despite the pain…I still hold out hope that you will return my love…you are the Saviour, and you will save me.

_**Though the hurt is deep,**_

_**And few would dare try**_

_**I still hold out hope,**_

_**That someone will see through my lie.**_


End file.
